Luminosity

Your voice lingered in the darkest parts of my mind,
And crept its way in the deepest parts of me.
Every word hit me like a train on a track,

Awakening me from my melancholy.

Breaking free from this obscure sphere,
Moving along with it all slowly.

Sundown, we prance under old oak trees,
Letting every minute sink hard right into me.

Right there in the dense fog,
I left the things I've wanted to say.
But like a flower that has wilted,
I've always known I wouldn't stay that way.

One morning I woke up,
And it all became so clear to me.
Maybe I dreamt of it too much,
Leaving me tangled in this sweet serendipity.

─ Julie Pauline Moscoso

Conundrum

Trapped in this maze,

Couldn't figure a thing.

No cracks, no hints,

I stood there trembling.

Am I really in a maze?

Or is this some kind of a trap?

Let's just keep going.

We'll get out, perhaps.

Cobbled up every inch of courage,

I searched for the light.

For a second there it was,

But now it's nowhere in sight.

It was worse than I thought.

It was worthless.

Unable to utter the right words,

I'm caught up in this mess.

And so I sit in this conundrum,
Voices telling me there's plenty of time to wait.
But what gave me the chills,
Was when a voice whispered "it's too late."

─ Julie Pauline Moscoso

A lucid view of reality.

I need good reasons to wake up in the morning.
I need good reasons to wake up every damn day. 

I wanna be straightforward with everyone and everyone straightforward with me as well. Not to sound too overbearing, I just want them to go straight to the point. I want somebody to touch me and get comfortable with me. Not the "hey-come-here-I-wanna-touch-you" kind of touch. I want the "hey-let's-strike-a-conversation" kind of touch. There's nothing really wrong with getting all clingy with me if you wanna be friends with me because I know one day I'm going to need someone so bad and I'm going to clasp with them too. I want to enjoy the genuineness of everyone else's smiles and apologies while I'm still here and they're still here. I want my regrets to serve as memories and lessons as well. I mean, I may have screwed up in the past in so many ways but when I'm slowly rotting at a care center, at least I'd be able to say: "Yup, I may have done this and done that but hey, I plucked that moment! At least I plucked those days!" I'm going to let everyone's affection, love, appreciation and all the good things that they do to me hook me and do the same thing as well while I'm still here.

Because one day, I just might fall off a tree, hit my head hard on the pavement and *poof* I'm gone.
And we never know when I might fall off that tree.

Drifting away

;


Specks in your eyes,
Holes in your soul.
I lost my sanity,
Gone separate from the whole.

A glimpse of daylight,
An echo from the hall.
Tensed all of a sudden,
Waiting for the darkness' call.

I sit in qualm,
Disregardful of my state.
Flustering in confusion,
You were always too late.

Fidgeting in anxiety,
Quavering in despair.
Right before I could speak,
You vanished in thin air.

─ Julie Pauline Moscoso

Ret/ro/spec/tive

I've always talked about your eyes and how I swam in them. I drowned in them once but yeah, I managed. I used to talk about the way I traced your spine and how it resembled a constellation I couldn't seem to perceive. Nobody listened but I didn't mind...
I've always loved daydreams because it kind of detaches myself from the real world. But it wasn't. It was something I longed for.

Remember when you told me that you loved how the smoke from your cup of coffee fogged up your glasses?
Remember when you told me that you loved how the branches from the trees outside your window created silhouettes on your walls every time the day draws to a close?
Remember when we'd take strolls at the park early in the morning and let the morning dew fall over us?
Remember when I used to paint you and laugh at how I could never get some parts of you right?
Remember when I wrote poems about you?
Remember when you used to call me at 6 in the morning and ask what I wanted to go through the day?

I pace back and forth, trying to eliminate all these things in my head. Remember when you said you never wanted to remember all these again? "It doesn't even matter anymore." There you go again.

Castles in air

I want to seek my own kind of freedom in the easiest way possible.

I want to escape and not let anything hinder me.

I want to wake up to the simpler side of life.

I wanna go on rooftops of buildings, sit right there, write about how life has become such an amazing adventure recently and wait for dusk.

I want to bike around the neighborhood every morning and watch people read their morning papers on their porches as they sip their coffees.

I want to go home and be able to jot down the words: "I'm so happy today because I got to..." every time I write on my journal.

I want to listen to old but gold music while I wait for midnight.

And when it comes, I'll sneak off, put paper cranes on my neighbors' doorsteps and let them wonder how those things got there when the morning comes.

I want to be able to go to cities with bright and ever-changing lights.

I want to drive along old dirt roads while I listen to announcers on the radio complain about the weather and not give a damn about it.

I want to build forts in the beach and let the crashes of the waves lull me to sleep.

And yet, these are the things I sort of wish my days were like.

Falter

Like the smoke I gradually inhale,
I tie myself to you.
And at dawn I wail,
Wondering if you're feeling the same way too.

I gaze at the mass of stars in the sky,
Thinking of the patterns hidden in the constellation.
I sit by the porch and ask myself why;
I crave your touch and affection.

Ecstatic in the morning,
Uninterrupted waves of misery by night.
Like canoes in the sea sailing,
I constantly tell myself to hold on tight.

Through the cracks were gleams of daylight,
Connecting to the emptiness in my soul only you could cure.
You brush your hands through my hair as I squeal in delight,
Right there, I was caught up in a rapture.

─ Julie Pauline Moscoso

Enigma

Spring

You bloom quite different from the rest.
So outlandish, so eccentric.
You frolicked pretty much like birds on the nest,
Your 2 am secrets have gotten me up in panic.


Summer

You were like the giant spotlight blazing
The beam that lingers in the midst of the crowd
Your blue eyes exemplify the ocean waves crashing,
Constant... alluring... loud...

Fall

We laughed, oblivious to the fact we were aching.
I look at you in so many beautiful yet mysterious ways.
These aren't just one of our days, these are memories,
Memories that will haunt me during my dying days.

Winter

Winter came, I was flooded with anxiety & regret.
You became dull, insensitive and cold.
And man, I just couldn't seem to forget...
These stories I shouldn't have told.

─ Julie Pauline Moscoso