Thorns

11:59 pm

Sitting on my bedroom floor,

my lamp was flickering
and I felt empty.

I felt cold
and I was in dire need of
a company.
I was longing for the daylight
because by then,
the morning vibrations will
wash away all the sorrows of tonight.

1:25 am

My lips were twitching

as I flipped through the pages of my journal.

Sudden waves of nostalgia
hit me hard
as every memory started creeping its way
out of me.
And there I was,
bawling my eyes out in despair.
My numbness has kept me alive
through the night.
Dashed hopes and forgotten people,
how bad could this night get...

2:30 am
I have thorns growing inside me
and that's probably why
I hurt each time I break down
because it hurts a lot more inside
and I couldn't get it out
because maybe I deserve it.
I deserve all these things
that create walls between me
and happiness
and all these people
that interfere with my life.
It pains me, I tell you.

3:00
Silence.
All I could hear is the sound of crickets
and cicadas
and the branches of the tree
that knocked on my bedroom window.
I sat on my bed.
For a minute I've drowned
myself in a sea of nothing
but hopelessness.
I screamed for help
but all there was were echoes
of the waves
and whispers telling me how
a huge burden I've become to everyone.
And maybe I was.
And I'm sorry.

By the doldrums

Like the roots of an old & dying tree,
She kept every bit there was in her.
She wails as she loses her grip,
Tensed as every tick gets faster.

She shed tears of plain anguish,
Hanging by this little swing of agony.
Every thought seeped into her little veins,
Grieving in search for that lost intimacy.

The sun passes through the window blinds,
She was thinking of the things she could have said.
A heavy heart & a cynical mind that she had,
She lies in bed whispering to herself: 'I am not mended.'

─ Julie Pauline Moscoso